FACT: All turkeys are so manly that they have extra long testes on their face.
FACT: All emus, despite the fact that they can run 45 km/hr, lack the ability to walk backwards. Great job, God.
FACT: Also, emus chase rain clouds in order to get a drink of water. You’re killing it, God, really. #whatareyoudoing
FACT: In the United States, there are over 40 million Avian Americans held in captivity, perpetuating a system that grinds it gears using the yokes of eggs, the immolation of their mothers, and the sad, mournful dirges of God’s creatures just trying to fly away.
FACT: All birds instinctively hold tight onto the branch beneath them when they sleep, much like how men in fear for their masculinity hold their wieners.
This post brought you by Lemon Haze, a sativa I would recommend heartily for a morning of waking, baking, and grooving to some Dandy Warhols. (You know who you people are.)
Check out more of Professor Rhadamanthus’ writing here.
100 Bird Facts 